Exciting Outline for Pornographic Movie Discovered

Three note cards were discovered inside a pornographic DVD sold to a retail outlet recently.  The cards, colored pink and purple, outlined the plot to an exciting pornographic film.  The photocopy above is shown to illustrate the frenzied handwriting of the artist in the throes of inspiration.  We know we are dealing with the real deal here--the note cards are a sure sign that our young auteur has read Blake Snyder's Save the Cat.  The cards have been painstakingly transcribed below.

1. early Thursday Morning
     Waiting for Ms. Eastman to open the Band Room, I'm flashed by burnette girl with huge and perky breasts. (Mykel)
     When Bandroom is opened, we go to the girl's bathroom: titti fuck + blo-job.  Then she rides me.  A longblack haired sophmore walks in on us, after Mykel finishes, Andrea has her turn.
     After I helped Mykel and Andrea sort out their clothes and get dressed, they left, and as I pull on my shirt, (my dick still hangin' out) Elizabeth

2. walks in.  "Hello," I say, "Hellooo" she said putting her finger in her mouth.  She takes off her shirt, tackles me and we make out while strips the rest of the way, and then we go at it.  I cupped her big round tits as she road me, legs wrapped around my waist.  When I got out of the bathroom Band was over and conference hour had begun.  I walked into the hallway and there was Alicia, the Flute section leader.  She hugged me from the side, and whispered in my ear.  "That's 3 girls now, won't you fuck me too?"  She put her hand down my pants  as she said this.  I put my

3. arm around her waist and grabbed her butt, with my other hand I grabbed her perky breast and kissed her neck, "Why not?" She took her hand out of my pants and unbuttoned them, I took my hand off her boob and undid her shirt and pants in turn.  Her pants fell off and she climbed onto me wrapping her legs around me and my prick slipped in.

A special thanks to Sean M. for sharing these note cards.

Jazz and Big Band Shock Rockers

Since neither jazz nor shock rock can be considered dead musical genres, the inevitable cross-pollination has occurred.  Be on the lookout for these up-and-comers that are sure to send your parents into a tizzy:

Scab Scalawag

Charles Mangle-Us

Felonious Skunk

Puke Skellington

Ferdinand “Belly Hole” Rigor Mortis

Pus Brown

Lovecraftian Prophecy Comes True

That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.

                           --The Necronomicon, dude.

Dr. Jack Kervorkian, 1928-2011

Have You Tried These?

They're not bad.

Still Not Convinced?

Still not convinced that Members Only jackets are not cool?  Feast your eyes on this still from 1987's Top Dog.

The plot of the movie, appropriately enough, has to do with a group of white supremacists hoping to launch an attack that will unite racists around the world.  Fortunately, Chuck Norris and a dog are able to foil their plot.

Choose Your Own Sanitized Adventure

Take a look at this Choose Your Own Adventure book from my youth.

Now look at the updated version.

Nafouti?  Really?  Was Nabooti too risqué?  Did it cause too many giggles?  Did the publishers worry that impressionable children might think that treasure will be found in someones butt?

And that's just the beginning of the atrocity.  What on earth happened to the cover art?  The hand drawn cover of Nabooti is detailed, uses color to create a mood, and, in short, makes the book look like something you would actually consider reading.  The computer generated cover of Nafouti is laughable.  It looks barely above the quality of something you could create in MS Paint.  It looks like the product of about a half hour's work.  And, yes, that cobra is apparently coming out of that woman's eye.

Exciting Business/Self-Help Book Now Available

Knowing that readers of this blog strive for excellence in all of life’s arenas, I thought I would point you toward a book that is nothing short of a miracle.  Does your body resemble a giant latex glove three-quarters filled with whale blubber?  Is your mind a junkyard filled with discarded dollhouses and leather pants?  Is your business performing about as well as a roadside stand selling Cabbage Patch Kids stuffed with Beanie Babies covered in homestyle gravy?  Well, struggle no more.  All the answers you seek can be found in the pages of a single volume.  Fusing the the knowledge of nearly three books and eleven fortune cookies, What Color Is Your Cheese Bucket, and Who Moved It?, is available now.  Don’t wait.  Supplies are limited and this offer is exclusive to readers of 30lb Dog, Denny’s Patrons, and Amazon.com shoppers.  Order now!